Sunday was Nikson's first day at church and boy was it a doozie. And when I say doozie I mean, for all that went on I have a pretty darling baby. He slept through all three meetings, but Blake and I had to hang tight for another meeting after church. I ran home to eat quickly and came back to feed N before our meeting. During the feeding, we had a major blow out that destroyed his outfit and about ruined my clothes. Yikes. So as I am trying to feed him, keep his mess from getting everywhere, change him, and still maintain the reverence for being at church, Nikson is bawling, I am in a panic, and we are tucked away in some random classroom. Good heavens. Good thing my husband is as calm as a summer breeze (mostly just wanted to use that phrase). He quickly helped get his messy family together and then we were off to our meeting. I feel bad because I was only about 25% present in that meeting. I just kept looking at my baby and thinking, "Does anybody else see how cute this little man is?" I am sure they all were thinking the same thing, but just didn't want to overwhelm the little one.
The meeting ended and my friend Stacey Jo came up and started talking to me about baby. I told her I can't help but just really love baby boy. She said something that I will never forget...
"Well, when you love yourself like you do and you and Blake love each other as much as you do, you will naturally have that deep kind of love for Nikson."
It is amazing how to Stacey that was probably something that seemed so simple to say but for me it will resonate in my heart for the rest of my life. Love is all about confidence. If you are confident in who you are, you will know how to love yourself, you will love your spouse, and you will love your babies. I want to love my family as much as possible and confidence enables that kind of love. Uninhibited. I feel so blessed to know who I am well enough to be able to love this tiny little man. Do I have bad days? Of course, most people do and it's on those days that I need the help of my Savior to reteach me who I am and what I am to do. I can't imagine not being able to love my family, so I strive to do what I am supposed to and I pray for guidance.
Moms definitely need it. I need it anyway.
It takes a lot to be a mom. And to be good you not only have to be there, but you need to love and nurture. It is a mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional full-time job. I am on the clock 24 hours a day. Last night baby was up quite a bit and this morning I joked with Blake that at night Nikson is 100% mine because I am up with him. Blake gets joint-custody during the day! It has been about six weeks since baby boy has come into our lives and each day he gets even more cute than the day before, sweeter, and more loved by his mama.
What can I say? I am hooked.
So smart you are!! I have to admit I had to learn this one. I was unsure of myself as a mom (=didn't love myself the way I needed & questioned myself) and although I loved being a mom & loved Andie more than words...I just didn't have this same confidence that you portray. It's a beautiful thing. Keep it up.
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