26 February 2010

Ricordare che sono...

Today has been a hard thing.
I have that feeling of wanting to be on the pier in California riding bikes with Blake. I get that feeling when I am in situations that I feel trapped in. I am a bit dramatic for sure, but I am a person who needs respect and confidence placed in her to perform my best. I get that from home, I get that from Heavenly Father, but I don't at work. I have the chance to make a lot of money in real estate, but if I feel nervous and uncomfortable it won't matter how much I intend to make. I am just amazed at the world and it's lack of integrity. I have always been aware of the bad that is in the world, but I don't like being associated with it. The place I work is slowly becoming a place that I am nervous to be in. Not because of myself but because of the actions of other individuals. I know who I am and what I believe and if my experience here is not conducive to that, I struggle. I think anybody would. I have nightmares about work a lot. I guess I am writing this today to see how I really feel about all of this. Most people just suck it up and deal with it, but I am not one of those people. I don't feel like sacrificing my happiness and my livelihood. So inside of wallowing, I decided to write what I am grateful for. I will decide later how to fix the problem, but for now...

i am grateful for my cute home
i am grateful for a wise and spiritual mother who always knows when i need her strength
i am grateful for my ability to learn
i am grateful for my discovery of art and how i perceive beauty
i am grateful for the birds that wake us up in the morning, nothing is more magical
i am grateful for my temple covenants and the knowledge of the plan
i am grateful for health
i am grateful for honey whole wheat crepes
i am grateful for my friends
i am grateful to own a chinchilla, he makes conversation for house guests
i am grateful for the sun, even if it is still cold
i am grateful for my testimony
i am grateful for goals and the ability to accomplish
i am grateful for a dad who is my number one fan
i am grateful for my marriage and family professor and his wisdom
i am grateful for a husband who is a disciple of Christ
i am grateful to have someone to sleep with
i am grateful that when i am bratty, blake just loves me and is selfless
even though i don't deserve it
i am grateful for photography
i am grateful for egg white french toast with cinnamon sugar pears
i am grateful that watching the olympics motivated me to run farther last night
i am grateful i got interview for a competitive internship for the church
i am grateful for fabulous in-laws
i am grateful for our incredible ward and the amazing friends we have made
i am grateful i don't waste money on buying us weekly magazine anymore
i am grateful to have no debt
i am grateful for my best friend
i am grateful that Heavenly Father has blessed me with blake...so grateful

i am a bird that just needs to fly higher.


  1. Cute post Jac. Way to put things into perspective with gratitude. You will do what's right for you I'm sure. You are independent and strong and have a husband and family that loves you very much...not to mention the big guy upstairs. With all that love and support things will get better....

    Hey, so what's up with all the spanish in your post titles? I sure wish I could read them..ha ha!

  2. Hey Jen-
    Thanks girlie. I appreciate your support. The titles are in italian...my mom's side is from there so i just chose to use it. It has been fun to use. Anyway- if you know of anywhere that needs a sassy girl to work for them let me know!

  3. Hey Girly I just want to say I am grateful for you! We need to get you rockin' in the wedding business!

    Kenz (Derek is the one signed on)

  4. I can relate to your post... I feel that way sometimes too. I've heard from my buddies that real estate is a tough business. Not tough work, but tough to deal with the people. I was amazed when I heard you were doing it. I'll keep my eyes out for a job that would fit you and your beliefs.