today is one of those days where my thoughts are scattered and this post is my attempt to collect them, place them in a safe place, and use them when my son is sixteen and asks me, "why?"
i was raised by parents who taught me how to fight.
not physically of course, but spiritually and socially.
any time i was faced with some type of "injustice", my mother would look at me sympathetically and say, "you'll know what to do."
i would look at my dad, mouth opened, and annoyed, as he would hide under the newspaper.
i hated that.
they never got involved.
if i ever received an undeserving grade i had to talk to my teacher by myself.
i don't even think my teachers knew who my mom was.
(they who who my dad was, he was always fighting with the refs at games.)
i didn't make the dance team at school and my mom did nothing about it. (gratefully, i was horrible. girlfriend dances to the rhythm of her own beat)
if i had troubles with friends, authority, boys, or spirituality, i was taught to fight on my own.
i wasn't very good, but i turned out alright.
at the time i was quite certain my parents method of involvement was unfair.
i didn't feel like i learned anything by facing the humility of my own actions.
in fact, my ideal situation was to send my sweet mother in after the sharks for me.
"uh, mom, you are the mom. it's your job. besides, they can't be mean to you. you are too nice."
but she would just give me a reassuring hug and send me off to battle.
because of this my skin began to thicken.
today i was one of those "need to talk to my mom" days.
we both wished she wasn't so far away and that i could be with her.
she reminded me of my ability to fight the good fight on my own and maybe that is why she is gone.
and suddenly it clicked.
she said, "we taught you from a young age how to develop a relationship with God that would enable you to be strong when things got tough. we weren't punishing you by not fighting for you, but we were training you for life."
i will always be grateful for the wisdom of my parents and the pure love they have for me.
dearest nikson and future children i can not wait to meet,
it is time to start your basic training. you may be young, but you are smart and ready. your whole life will be filled with challenges that you alone will have to face. right now it may be physical, but it will almost always have a spiritual root. please understand that learning at an early age to have a relationship with God will enable you to make correct choices throughout your whole life and you will be grateful for the challenges. when your mom and dad tell you to fight, it is because they love you. when you have to face the giants on your own, know for certain that we are on the sidelines cheering you on. when you feel like you are alone, you aren't. you will always be in our constant prayers and thoughts. learn to love yourself by doing what is right. once you have learned to love "you" it will be much easier to love others because you will know how to do it.
go get 'em.